Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
