They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
