Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
