i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
