You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
