Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
