Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
