That's intense
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
