I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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