I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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