Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
