It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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