One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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