im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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