So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
