i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
