I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
