May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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