Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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