im so drunk with asians
where?
always
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
