He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
