While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I am one with the molecules
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
