dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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