oh god the rape fog is back!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
