When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
