Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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