All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize