When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
