Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
