he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
