I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
