There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
