So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Why did my mother make you get naked?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
