My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
