If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
