Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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