You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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