Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Well I just put wine in my tea
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
