There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize