Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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