after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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