DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize