I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
