respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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