Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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