I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
