dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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