I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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