is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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