y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
