So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize