Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
