I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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