Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
