I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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