Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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