Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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