i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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