instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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