Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Farmville is her only friend.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
