thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
