My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
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