i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
