who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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