I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Randomize
